When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

This is the most meaningful and touching email I've came across so far....


When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms


On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms.

The bridal carstopped in front of our one-room flat.

My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms.

So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.

I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money.

When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.

She was a civil servant.

Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time.

Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.

But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day.

I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind.

My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs.

Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant.

I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so.

I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.?

I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.

At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it.

No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner.

Iwas sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together.

Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dews body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce,what will you do?

She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.

Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her.

I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out.

Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her.

She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded.

I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve gotsomething to tell you, I said.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking.

I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.

She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry.

She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.

But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in myheart.

The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day.

But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.

To me her cry was actually a kind of release.

The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I sawher writing something at the table.

I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible.

Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn t want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning,do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.

I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce.

From now to the end of this month,you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.

No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully.

Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadnt had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.

We even treated each other as a stranger.

So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy.

Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room,then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.

She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son.

I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.

She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.

We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.

I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time.

I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms.

The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.

I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn t tell Dew about this.I felt it was easier to carry her.

Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out.

She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one.

Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled.

But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.

I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.

Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.Our son came in at the moment.

Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said.

To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been anessential part of his life.

She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.

I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute.

I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.

Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally.

I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.

Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door.

I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs.

Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I m serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said.

I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce.

My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more.

Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old.

So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed he door and burst into cry.

I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite.

The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card.

I smiled and wrote,

I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Speechless

My Heart ache till it's numb, heavy till it's sank...

My eyes tired as it's swollen, dry as it's tearless...

Filling with thoughts of the F's and the S's...

Forgive or Forget?... Cause it's impossible to Forgive AND Forget...

Stay or Separate?...

Till then, only heart aches follows.........

Legs cramp

Early morning at 6.30am today, I had my 1st leg cramp in this pregnancy. It involves my 2 legs, not 1.

Hubby not with me when the cramp strike as he's in reservist. I was in total daze, don't know what to do cause hubby will massaged my leg when I had my cramps during my 1st pregnancy.

This morning I was like 'Fxxx, why cramp when hubby not around?!' I almost scream for help and in my mind I'm thinking: 'should I shout for mil? fil? or sil?' But ended up, I endured the pain in silence and do the massage myself as I do not want to scared the family just because of this stupid cramps...

So, I am brave! Hahaha~~~

Today is my...

... Hubby's birthday! Poor boy, gonna spend his special day in camp.

Happy Birthday to my Dearest Hubby!

Always your Wifey, your Darling

*Mauckzzzz*

Missing...

Woke up at 6.35am this morning as hubby will be going for his reservist today so I had to go work myself via the always 'long waited + many people = Bus number 8'.

Called hb and see what is he doing, how is he rotting in camp. Chatted with him for about 10mins, telling me how strict the camp was towards H1N1. Hopefully everything go well in his camp so he will be able to go home during the weekend.

Only day 1 and is merely 9 hours, I start to miss my hb already... still got 18 days to go!

Rushing home after work to play with my Princess Fayth.

Random...

8/06/2009 - 46.5 kg

27/06/2009 - 47.4 kg

1 kg gained in less then 3 weeks, so proud of myself!!!

But, kind of worry for the sugar level in my urine coz I've been quite a naughty girl recently :(

Hopefully I'll pass my urine test next Tuesday when I go for my check up.

12 more days to my 3rd Trimester, Yippy!!!

If everything go smoothly and baby due on the Estimated Due Date 3rd Oct, I will start my maternity leave on 21st September so as to take some rest, spend some time alone with Fayth and prepare for newborn. Then back to work on 30th November.

Everything must go swee swee as plan ok!

And, Hubby will be going for his 'stay in' reservist from tomorrow till 18th July, nearly 3 weeks. Only to be back on weekend so will be having the whole bed to myself as Fayth usually sleep with in law or she will sleep on the mattress. Hubby will be celebrating his 32th birthday in camp on 1st July! My poor boy~~

The Final Send Off

As right now I'm at home writing this post, my friends is at the wake paying their last respect and sending him off his final journey in this life.

No words can describe how I'm feeling right now, I don't even know how I'm feeling now while penning down my thoughts.

The 3 days wake has ended as fast as his suffering from the illness.

I just called Jianzhong, they are now walking the last journey with him.

I can't do anything except to ask my friends to tell him on behalf of me....

走好... 來生我們还是朋友.

Good Bye My dear Friend...

Received sms from Mei yesterday at 11.44pm:

*Gals.. Keng Teck passed away liao... :_(*

I'm stone, out of the sudden don't know how to react.

I called Thomas at 12.19am but Jianzhong picked up the call instead:

Me: Where you guys?
Jz: In the hospital. (He sound like just finish crying)
Me: Ok, what time Keng Teck passed away?
Jz: We left the hospital at about 10+ after visiting him, then 11+ his mum called and said he passed away already so we turned back to the hospital.
Me: How is he when you all visit him at 10+?
Jz: He got difficulty breathing.
Me: Ok, don't disturb you guys 1st. Call me back tomorrow morning.
Jz: Ok...

After hanged up the phone with Jz, I can't fall asleep. My mind keep flashing back the past.
Finally I managed to cry myself to sleep at 4am...

I sms Thomas this morning at 7.27am:

Me: Sorry to msg you so early... How is the preparation and where is Keng Teck now?..
Thomas: Is ok.. About 10+ Keng Teck body will reach his grandma house. Any detail you check with Jz cause afternoon he will go down and help...
Me: Ok, you go rest 1st.
Thomas: Don't worry...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In memories of Choo Keng Teck

( 5.4.1982 ~ 18.6.2009, 2333 hours)

朋友:

一路走好....

永别了..

My dear friend...

And I pray for my dear friend, Keng Teck, who is now in SGH battling for his life with the final stage of Liver cancer.

Keng Teck:

I may not be able to visit you now in hospital, I may not be able to tell you personally how much I treasure you dearly as friend no matter how you had irritated us and made us all so angry towards you.

We had known each other since 3rd Jan 1995, when we are all still an innocent 13 year old kids.

Remembering those school days.... where we often used to argued.
How you used to pull my chair away, how you made me fall, how you received the slapped from me, how you were being punished by teachers for all your mischievous...
Remembering the old days where we often went to Disco, drinks, smokes...
Remembering your 'unique' Lemon Tree dance steps (smile) ...
Remembering that you often used to comb your handsome hairstyle, asking friends which hairstyle suits you most...
Remembering how often we used to played 'Blind Cats' at my house playground...
Remembering how we spent National Day at my house eating Maggie Noodles with the buddies... Remembering how you let me and Yun stayed at your house for weeks...
Remembering how hard your life was after certain things happened...
Remembering how you bought a pack of chicken rice and ate it as 2 meals...
Remembering the class gathering in a chalet without you, remembering how friends told me the reason of your absent, the reason of why you chosen that path...
Remembering the 1st letter you wrote to me when you're IN... the letters that we exchanged. Remembering how well you had improved in your studies, your future dream after you're OUT...
Years later, Remembering the phone call I had received from our friend in September 2005 informing the good and bad news of you...
Remembering our 1st met up with the buddies, the things we bought for you and your happy looks told us that you appreciated it truly...
Remembering the CNY reunion dinner we had last year, how you pissed me off totally... Remembering friends telling me how grateful you are when they organised a birthday chalet for you this April, I am too, happy for you...
And remembering days ago when I received a sms from Mei about your condition...
Friends wanted to 3G me yesterday, but I was scared... I don't think I would dare to look at you even though as much as I wanted to go visit you...
Yun said that I will cry if I were to see you personally but tears already surround my eyes the moment they described how you looked like presently...

We have been friends from 14 years, 6 months. We shared lots of happiness, sadness and angers. Lots of thick and thins...

My dear friend, I pray for you, I pray that you will be painless for whatever journey you need to walk in the coming days...

Even if the final day were to come, please remember us forever.

I believe you do treasure the friendships we all shared as some of the photos were extracted from your friendster.

The days when you are still well...

The days when you become ill...

Memories is something which will stay in our heart...

Praying for the Little Girl, Charmaine Lim

I pray for the 4 year old little girl, Charmaine Lim, who is in the OT now to have her 'monster' (Neuroblastoma Cancer tumor) being remove in her stomach.

Pray for her well being, speedy recovery and led a fruitful long life ahead of her.